Become an egoist to. Save the relationship

Want happiness with a partner – start with your love. Why do not sacrifice your own interests and desires for the sake of another and how to improve relations, allowing yourself a healthy egoism?

We all want love, dream of being happy in a relationship. And even if at the moment you are sure that you are better alone, even if you decide that the relationship is a continuous pain, still at heart, hope for happiness is probably warm together. So we are arranged. Being happy and living in love is the norm for any of us.

Unfortunately, many are unhappy in relations. Someone has been suffering for years because of the home “Cold War” with a once beloved and close person. Someone tries to be comfortable and good, but still does not receive a return. And someone proudly declares: “I do not need no one”, and at the same time he cries in a pillow from pain and loneliness at night.

Why do we suffer instead of love?

Our culture plays a huge role in the formation of suffering, in which it is customary to be good – primarily for others. Therefore, in the minds of most people in the post -Soviet space, love is equal to sacrifice. From childhood we were told: “You cannot be such an egoist”? “You will think about yourself, no one will love you”? “Love is when you try for others”? “Do with others the way you want to do with you”.

Nobody wants to be bad for others. But women are especially added from such ideas, because they are still added: “You are a girl, you must give in, be kind, tolerate. “In the end, people grow up who, deep down, are sure that they should satisfy their needs last. First, everyone around you need to help, give everything, satisfy everyone, and then they will definitely satisfy and love you itself.

What in the end? Destroyed fate, betrayal, dependence and psychosomatic diseases, anxiety disorders and depression. So the scheme does not work.

If an adult is not able to take care of his comfort – he will constantly be in short supply. And when we do not feel pleasure, satisfaction, joy and love for our life, then where will love for others get? So two ways of suffering that replace each other are formed.

Pain, loneliness and imaginary power

First Path: along the “rake” pain

  • Step 1. “I feel hunger and emptiness, I want love from a partner – it means that you need to try for him. There is no time for itself “.
  • Step 2. “I’m still sacrificing myself, and others will love me and fill me with happiness,” – a person devastates his resources even more.
  • Step 3. “I see that others take everything for granted, arrange a scandal or suffer, without getting what I was waiting”.
  • Step 4. “I am helpless and dependent,” the person suffers and offends.

So step by step is easy to come to co -dependent relationships, and not to healthy feelings of love and affection.

The second path: along the “rake” of loneliness and imaginary power:

  • Step 1. A person makes a decision: “All! I’m tired of problems and suffering, I will do everything myself “.
  • Step 2. The depreciation of the partner occurs: “I said, they are all like that. Everyone offends me, no one tries to win me “.
  • Step 3. Feels loneliness: “I am like a solid wall. Everything, I do not need no one “

As you can see, this is the path in counter -dependent relationships. A person throughout life can take turns choosing these two ways. But it happens that people “exchange” them in a couple, causing more painful to each other. This leads to a break and search for a new partner. Partners are changing, time goes on, but love instead of these “swings” does not come.

When there is nothing to share

The main mistake is that a person goes into a relationship, being not in a resource state. We can share in them with a partner only by what we are filled ourselves.

The main idea of painful love is that happiness and love can only be obtained from another, that they cannot be found inside yourself. So two hungry children come to the relationship, torment each other with demands. And healthy love can arise only if you are in order, and the partner is in order, if you both accept and understand yourself, you know how to take care of yourself.

This is self -love. Knowledge and acceptance of yourself plus responsible, caring actions aimed at developing yourself and your couple. So, in order to become happy in a couple, everyone simply must become an egoist

in a sense.

What is healthy egoism

Healthy egoism is a knowledge of your values, borders and needs, the ability to take care of yourself and take responsibility for your life.

If we are internally filled, if we have the skills of taking care of ourselves, then we can fill with love and ourselves and partner. This will be the healthy love of adults who are divided with respect to themselves and to another. Just imagine how much we can give each other if we ourselves live happily and fully if we develop, if healthy and physically? And morally. If this is about you – you are just a gift of fate!

How to help yourself become a selfish?

Start with simple daily actions:

  1. Caring for the body. Your sleep, food and movement should always be in the first place. Enter what your body will make your body healthy into the plan of each working and weekend, and you are happy and satisfied. And between these records, already plan help to others, work, dating.
  2. Caring for your plans and values. Get to know yourself, ask yourself questions about what is important to you. Decide what you want from life and come up with your dreams. Each day, turn at least one small step in the direction of your desires.
  3. Follow the voltage balance and relaxation. If you feel fatigue from communication or deeds, take a break at least 10 minutes to recover. You can take a walk or listen to an auto -training record.
  4. If you do not want to communicate with someone or do something, learn to say “no”.

A new egoist needs to master many different skills in order to become a happy person in a relationship. However, the first thing to start with is to overcome the fear that you will be rejected. Take the first little steps towards yourself. And be sure to pay attention to the positive feedback that your soul and body will give. I am sure: soon you will notice that the respect of others in your attitude to you is growing.

Gradually, fear will be replaced by love. After all, you wanted it? Enjoy!

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